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T'was the night after Christmas
and all through
the place any creature that stirred fell flat on her face.
We'd ripped open the treasures
and ransacked the stockings,
the amount of goodies we ate was quite shocking.
No one knew how St. Nick had
got in while we dozed,
for the doors were all locked and the chimney was closed.
But we knew he'd been here and
he didn't leave coal,
and 12 hours later, all the fun took its toll.
The children were nestled
wherever they fell,
and Mommy and Daddy were feeling quite swell.
We all had survived a fine
Holiday Season,
without losing our sanity, for some unknown reason.
The tree and the trimmings were
still standing intact.
Awful gifts from the "great" aunts could all go back
to the stores with the kids'
reject mufflers and hats,
to trade for the perfect glove and/or bat.
Just 24 hours ago we all swore
we'd never re-enter another mall store.
"Not for any reason, wild
horses can't drag
us back to those mobs," we'd been heard to brag.
"But, Lord, did you see
what Aunt Ethel has sent?"
"We can get something cool
with the money she spent.
These clothes are so
lame," said the kids in a twinkling,
and I thought to myself, What on earth was she thinking?
So we fell asleep on couch,
floor or beds,
while visions of super sales danced in our heads.
But most of the wonders we'd
unwrapped were great,
though some of the shopping was done rather late.
Still we loved all the toys and
the tools and the dresses,
but what I need now is some help with the messes.
The den has been trashed, the
living room's missing.
The toddler just fell and her "owwie" needs kissing.
The teenager's ear appears
stuck to the phone,
yet he's blasting a tape by some "thugs" he calls Bone.
The kitchen may need some paint
and some plaster.
The dinner, delicious, the stove's a disaster.
There's not a clean plate,
glass or spoon to be found
I can't find the counter, my head's starting to pound!
Quick, somebody, open this
tight childproof cap.
Never mind, there's no water, I buried the tap.
And so as we bask in the
Holiday glow
with all of the loved ones and friends that we know,
I'll repeat this again and get it just right,
Merry Christmas to all, and now
please, kids, good night!
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