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As you know, Barbie is fast
approaching forty. Now, at long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls
to coincide with her aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic!
1. Bifocals Barbie: Comes with
her own set of blended lens fashion frames in six wild colors [half
frames too], neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha
Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie: Press
Barbie's belly button and watch her face turn beet red while tiny
drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand held fan
and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie: As
Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie: Hide
Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier sleeved gowns. Good
news on the tummy front too; muumuus with tummy support panels are
included.
5. Bunion Barbie: Years of
disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on
Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with pumice stones and
plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No More Wrinkles Barbie:
Erase those pesky crow's feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle Spackly from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting
cosmetics.
7. Mid-Life Crisis Barbie: It's
time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change and Fred, her personal
trainer, is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're
hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the NAPA Valley to open a
B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard To
Do."
8. Divorced Barbie: Sells for
$199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat.
9. Recovery Barbie: Too many
parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she
does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she is
going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of the Big
Book and a six pack of Diet Coke.
10. Post-Menopausal Barbie:
This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the
couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with
Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book, "Getting In
Touch With Your Inner Self" is included.
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