Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern
Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller.
In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting
to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and
then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a
third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has
been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is
over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
"The following was actually turned in by two of my English
students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name
deleted."
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STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
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(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he
had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.
The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean
floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion
which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't
allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the
sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate
adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
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Asshole!
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Bitch!
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